It has been a while, people.
No, I am not announcing my intentions to quit or take a break from blogging. In fact my drafts is still stuffed to the brim with stuff I’m working on, and I’ve got a couple of interview translations in the release pipe as well. This is just a little sit-down chat/therapy session for me, as I near the end of the first leg of my final year in university (whether I continue into postgrad/masters will be up to future me to decide). Also I feel like I owe at least a little to my readers, for having not putting anything out for more than a month.
On procrastination and adulting
I’ve since realised that I am TERRIBLE at life. My entire living situation feels like it’s being held up by scotch tape and band-aids.
I have terrible sleep habits, which I am definitely feeling the effects of: I would find myself draped over my couch and just…drop asleep from 3 to 7pm randomly, wake up past dinner time feeling like shit, and not get ‘proper’ sleep until 4 in the morning. The general cycle would repeat the next day as I wake up past noon, and my brain punishes me with fatigue and bad mood.
I am on a multitude of self-initiated vitamin supplements to help keep my body functioning as I’ve since cut down half of my daily meals with the aim of losing weight and cutting down on eating junk. This means swallowing no less than 5 capsules and pills across a typical working day. I did my research of course, and chose specific products that I’ve cleared with my doctor and can portion properly to make up for the substances I should be getting from meals, instead of just taking off-the-rack flavoured multi-vitamin gummies and be done with it. But still…taking a metal pod of pills to work and university every day just doesn’t feel right for someone who’s still in his early 20s.
So far so good, other than the general fatigue I feel from a dysfunctional sleep schedule…I am not experiencing any illness or abnormalities from my current method of sustenance.
I am also going to be between jobs once again in a few weeks, and won’t be able to look for any more until next year, because I need to have a clear schedule for creative studio placement that is a university course requirement. I have my amazing parents to support me as always, which I appreciate in ways indescribable with words, but it is also a source of general shame, as I honestly don’t know where I’d be if they weren’t around. A man in his 20s shouldn’t still be this reliant on his parents.
How Do I Read Again?
Academically and creatively speaking (since I am taking a design honours course, these kinda go hand in hand), my journey is just as haphazard to say the least: I am still keeping my passions in graphic design aflame, but for my final exhibition research project…I find myself revisiting my past hobbies of photography and creative writing, since I’ve honed those skills better than the former (thank chronic procrastination for STILL not putting myself through learning processes to fully figure out drawing, sketching, journaling and basic graphic design principles). Thanks also to my continued interest in film and anime…I am no short of cinematic inspiration to frame my final uni project. However, this u-turn back into creative writing means I am now obligated to rediscover the literary culture around my city, so I can once again exercise my writing muscles (you can read my latest short fiction here…a kind of prelude if you like, right after I realised that I didn’t want to give that up as a creative practice route).
Something about creative practice you might not know: having a practice means hell of a lot more than just learning and enacting skills…it means finding ways to interact with communities as well, so you can be inspired, challenged and network with other designers and artists on opportunities and events. This is something I still struggle with, not being a frequenter of galleries, zine festivals and artist markets.
Anyway, why am I telling you all this? Bit of a cautionary tale from me, inspired by me, I guess.
I have a lot of concern regarding how so much of my socialising helpings is coming from an isolated room with a computer plugged in: the ‘local’ is not even part of the equation. Even as I still live with my parents, I barely see them during the day: either all three of us are out working, or just me at home on an off-day. I don’t live with roommates who are similar in age and interests as me, which robs me of opportunities for face-to-face events, and then there is the above-mentioned chronic fatigue? Yeah I am definitely not good at this ‘life’ thing.
Procrastination has even extended to how I consume media: my anime viewing has slowed to a crawl, from being able to follow a dozen seasonal shows weekly alongside completing a backlog show or film every few days, to barely being motivated to watch an episode or two days apart.
Even as I try to get my reading habits back up to scratch in anticipation for my research project, the need to reintegrate back into the literary scene, as well as my recent interest in print magazines again (For those who are artsy or enjoy topics anywhere from world fashion and architecture to photography, botany and experimental music, check out Lindsay: a new Melbourne-born bi-annual culture magazine), I just can’t figure out how to keep my eyeballs focused on the page in front of me. What the fuck is happening to me?
*Sigh* I am airing all this out on here, because in the end…this blog is pretty much my panic room; where I can scream my head off and smash metaphorical plates in search of catharsis. Blogging IS my therapy session. Even as I slowly tailor my blog towards more academic/journalism-centric genres of writing, I won’t let my blog’s roots run dry. For anyone who has read this and see its arguably overshared anecdotes in themselves: know that you are not alone in your bullshit, and yeah…you should probably take better care of yourself. As should I.
Until next time.